Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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