Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
