Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
