need another drink. this is the easiest way
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
