He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
