i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
