my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They took my balls.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
