I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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