My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
