Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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