First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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