wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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