So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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