i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
