I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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