Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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