Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
