you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
