this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
