thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
