Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
