you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
