She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
