its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
