planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
