I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
