she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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