weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
