Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
