in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Still dying that you shit outside
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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