If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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