Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
