let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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