there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
