my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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