Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
