i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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