One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
