You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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