I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
