I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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