dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ladies don't puke and tell
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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