i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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