He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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