Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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