I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I came so hard my ears popped.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
