I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
