after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
