I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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