ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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