Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
